He-Man 2017 Answers


1) Last year's He-Man had a record 38.461538% of participants not using a tent. What is your reasoning for using (or not using) a tent on this trip?

Doug "The Lunberjack' - I'm not sure about that fake fact, but hammock sales have shown double digit grown over the last 5 years making better products more readily available to the general public. As a veteran He-man, I know that camping spots can come at a premium and having a hammock allows me to camp in a non-level area away from all the riffraff. My hammock and summer bag set-up packs down smaller and is lighter than my other options, and I get a better night's rest. I'd probably say 38.461538% better in fact .

Evin - Using a hammock is far superior, it rules out the chance of coming in contact with sand. I don't like sand, it's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere .

Ron - Tent or no tent is the question, or is it to sleep with another person under the same roof or to sleep alone? Are you an extrovert or introvert? Do you get scared at night and need to talk or cuddle with someone? Or do your farts smell so bad that no one will be able to stand being near you! Do you have the ability to hold your liqueur or get sick during the night? Do you get sick from swaying in the wind or get bed spins from that bottle you drank? Are you young enough to or coordinated enough to get in and out of a hammock? or tent? .

Dave - I use a tent because I am deathly afraid of spiders. I am so afraid that if other He-Men find out about this they will not let me on the trip anymore. Just don't put me in Ron's tent. At his old age he passes so much gas, I would rather face the spiders .

Rob - I sleep in the trees. Why? Ewoks. Lothlorien. Tarzan. Because I can .

Kenny Becker - I don't want to be trapped in a flaming ball of nylon fabric if we get stuck eating lots of beans or cabbage or any of Boyd's cooking..... I remember the first few canoe trips I went on how it was a festival of beans

Garrett - I would use a tent to keep the mosquitos and rain away. This would prevent the zika virus from impacting me during the trip and maybe also ebola. I would not use a tent because I wouldnt want my nasty BO to be contained in a tent for an entire night, because whoever sleeps in my tent is going to die from BO efixiation (idk how to spell it) .

Eric - Hammocks are awesome! .

George - I prefer a tent because I'm an old fart who won't change his ways and use a hammock or roll up in a tarp .

Zach - Obviously some He-Men are craftily getting out of hauling extra weight, while it is He-Man approved to go more rugged without a tent our motives must be kept pure in why we give up tents .

Alan - Only a rookie engineer would calculate that percentage out that many decimal places for participants using tents or not. That aside, rain, bugs, warmth and privacy .

Garth "The real ginger" - The primary use of a tent is to keep out the elements including wildlife. There are several drawbacks to tenting however. Having to set up and take down is a drag and trying to take a late night wiz is a pain in the butt. I do recall several "hammockites" retreating to adjacent tents and begging to be let in during a thunderstorm. Some he-men actually weathered the storm however without a tent and I was duly impressed. I can honestly say the benefits outweigh the nuisance and I am a "tentite". P.S. When can I bring my queen size air mattress? .

Boyd - After a day of paddling, my muscles need a real work out. So, I don't want to show off among the He-Men and the tent gives me privacy to work out so I can do a few hundred set ups and push ups, squats... after each day and in the morning before we get going for the day .

Jesse - Simple. can't fall out, can't get wet. #tentlife .

Matt - Use a tent to protect against the large numbers of vicious dandelions and tree roots who claim the vast, northern Wisconsin jungle as their home. .


2) Is the He-Man getting too feminine? The Sunday evening meal on the He-Man had a table cloth, candles, wine,wine, wine glasses, and even waiters with tux and bow tie.

Evin - There is no issue with a bunch of gentlemen wearing tuxes at their feast, however this is he-man, we drink beer and a lot of it. Wine should henceforth be banned for it goes against our regime .

Doug "The Lunberjack' - Well, first, I believe the words you are looking for are wasteful and unnecessary. I come to the He-man to be in nature and get away from it all with other He-men. I do not want to waste my precious time in nature carrying around unneeded things that waste space in a cooler that could have been better used for more important items. Second, why would those things be feminine? Seems that anytime I'm eating with a female and I see a table cloth, wine, and waiters in tuxes, I have to pay. Therefore, making it a bit masculine in my book. Besides, who are you to assign gender to things? .

Ron - I do not see this as getting feminine, with age one learns to enjoy the finer things in life. A bottle of wine, a fine restaurant with A beautiful view, being served wine and food is a nice touch. I think this year they should include a message with choice of scented oils .

Dave - Can we please change who is coming up with these questions (Dave Becker). It is obvious that he does not have an appreciation of the finer things in life. What we were missing was some fine music. I hope that Todd and Garth next time lead a He-Man choral group to sing during the diner .

Rob - he stuff described isn't feminine, but it is foo-foo, like toy poodles and coffee drinks that take two minutes to name .

Kenny Becker - I leave you guys alone for one year, what the heck happened? That's it we're going caveman, okay fine pirate but that's it I draw the line at pirate

Garrett - Definitely not, we dine fine at night and sweat and work like real men in the morning

Eric - Since when is a tux and bow tie considered feminine? .

George - The He-Man is not getting to feminine. However, I am worried that certain liberal groups will start to protest us. No women. No men who like to dress as women. No women who like to dress as men. No men who used to be women who have girlfriends who used to be men. No women who used to be men who are in a relationship with farm animals. We could become a target for the groups who want to force diversity on us. Could we possibly recruit the mosquitos as mercenaries against these groups? .

Zach - I think this is more of a He-gentleMan? While it's not becoming more feminine, it might be falling away from manly. Switch out the table cloth for a tarp, candles for kerosene lamps, and wine for rum...or beer - then you have a man meal. Also: put on some leather, a knife, and a bow & arrow, then you will be appropriately dressed for this man meal .

Alan - Clearly excessive fluff for a he-man meal. However, exceptional quality of food will never be rejected. Bring it on! .

Garth "The real ginger" - bsolutely! What an obscene, decadent, and lavish display of nonsense. Just thinking of all the extra gear and weight involved is mind boggling. What's next up Garth and Todd's sleeves? French cuisine complete with escargot? I feel sorry for them. They obviously had a pampered upbringing and wish to share with us a bit of the good life, but really?? It's time to take a stand and demand only 'american' food served with a scowl and dirty paper plates like the old days. I am wholeheartedly behind a mandatory non-sissy policy when it comes to my food. I want to fart red white and blue baby! .

Boyd - You must understand, after being in the wilderness for days and not having modern conveniences of fine dining, there are some He-Men that go through withdrawal and need an evening "shot" of fine dining so they can finish the trip

Jesse - Well if one is to be concerned about the he-man becoming feminine than I would argue that the wrong points are being considered. Wine was drunk by Jesus, it has been a historically sophisticated and cultured aspect of life over the last few millennium. Are we going to argue that men should not drink wine for the sake of masculinity? As far as the waiters go it has long been the pleasure of fortunate men to exploit the less fortunate for free or cheap service and industry. Now if one were to argue that the He-Man is becoming too cultured that would be a different argument .

Matt - Anything done with a large beard and a larger knife is manly enough for the he Man .

3) Should there be a restriction on what He-Man route we take? A tradition that we have established is that on a person's 30th He-Man they can pick the route. Last year's 30th with Ron was quite crazy. Slogging through the swamp on the portage between Upper Gresham and Jag Lake. Conoeing up the rapids on the Manitowish River. Almost the whole route was upstream. Temper your answer with the fact that Boyd and George are a couple years from their 30th. We need to be concerned that one of them may choose a wimpy route like canoeing the Trout Lake narrows and camping there for two nights.

Evin - As much fun as the experience was sloshing through a swamp for what felt like a decade I will put my vote against potentially losing a shoe or two. No restrictions but we should have an airlift on standby should such a turn of events occurs again .

Doug "The Lunberjack' - I liked Ron's trip. It was a nice deviation from the "normal" routes. It wouldn't have been so bad if you hooligans didn't pack so much crap. If you guys were good at this you could have made the portage in one trip, instead I was stuck carrying someone else's table cloth, candles, and wine around

Ron - must start and end at the Roloff's cabins!!! .

Dave - Yes, I was getting pretty upset about Ron's route choice. Especially when Kenny didn't show up and we had an odd number. Up the Manitowish rapids was a killer. To make up for what I experienced, I want Kenny to paddle all upstreams by himself .

Rob - Isn't this a "He-man" project? Shouldn't the name say it all? .

Kenny Becker - I know in years past I've might have made remarks, but seen as how now I have white hairs, I shall relent. As the restrictions on what route we can take I say the harder the better it is He-Man after all I mean come on it's not sissy men just because half of us are now over the hill doesn't mean we need to give up and find a comfy chair on the porch, as far as the old adage goes I look forward to fighting to the last minutes screaming until the end clawing and scratching for every moment I may have on Earth. I look forward someday to being the crazy old relative saying what I wish and not what I must, yeah I'm holding back your admits but then again I'm going to be married soon and I know I better behave period LOL

Garrett - No restrictions, we are manly men and need some surprise and adventure so restrictions are a no go .

Eric - No .

George - Do I hear some whining here? Ron picked a great route. His route wins the He-Man award for best portages. Ron should plan every He-man route .

Zach - No, the route that is chosen is to be taken. Selector and follower alike must paddle the route. Should the route bode ill, then the selector may feel the wrath of his hot tempered brothers. His fate he chose himself .

Alan - What is reasonable could be the debate of many pages. I think a little suffering is required as that is what the He-Man is. A test of will power to endure the long and tiring route and the complaints of others (even though after last year no one is allowed to complain). How can you really earn that He-Man swim at the end on a wimpy route. I think by year 30 most of us would understand this. Of course in their elder age, perhaps they need to have some day trips that wander off the normal route and back so they could find an equally wimpy partner to stay back and guard camp that day .

Garth "The real ginger" - Ouch!I mean, don't take the bait Boyd and George. He is trying to make you pick a harder route. Two days sunning and fishing sounds great to me. We could even do two lake races holding our beers in one hand all the way. Think of all the socializing and bonding that could be had by merely taking it easier and enjoying life. The way is is now, every time we pass a boat or canoe from another group we simply move on as if we were in a hurry to get somewhere rather than take the time to greet them properly and swap stories. When we tell them we are doing the circle route, they know we have just crossed the line into madness. It is time for the adults to take the reins and bring a keg along like the old days enjoying nature at it's finest .

Boyd - You have to respect any He-Man making the trip 30 years. This is an awesome opportunity to trust that they can pick a route honoring to the He-Man traditions. Thinking about Boyd and George making 30 years. Who would question these honorable and ancient He-Men and their wisdom and sanity on choosing the next route .

Jesse - Upstream all the way every day .

Matt - A He Man trip should only be restricted by the manliness of those attending it. One should search among his own facial hair and any map found within shall outline the route for that year .

4) Doug has introduced a new tradition to the He-Man - growing a long beard for the He-Man. In 2016, Doug, Dan, and Jake all sported some amazing beards. Should we switch this tradition to a new He-Man competition? How would the competition work? Would you participate in growing a beard?

Evin - It should become a competition that would award the participants points in different areas, it is proven many of the members can grow their's to outstanding length so let's up the ante and award extra points for viking braids and such. The reward for such an event should be who rows with Ron the next year .

Doug "The Lunberjack' - First, let me say that Doug does not grow his beard for the He-man. Doug grows his beard for life. Living in Minnesota can be hard if not properly fitted with a beard. He needs it to protect his face from harsh conditions while hunting, biking, and surviving in the rough winters. What you witness on the He-man is a trimmed down version of his winter beard .

Ron - Would be ok for those that can grow beards. Need to have an alternative for those that cannot due to work or age .

Dave - True men grow beards and I would gladly be part of this competition. We should have the same categories as the The World Beard and Mustache Championship. There are 6 moustache categories, 6 partial beard categories, and 5 beard competition. That way anyone with facial hair wins a prize. You know we are in a everyone gets a trophy culture .

Rob - Shaving is evil .

Kenny Becker - That's just not fair it took me till 8:30 to grow facial hair now you guys put this on me? I feel triggered where's my safe space? I feel disenfranchised .

Garrett - I would be able to with my massive amount of testosterone and great history of facial hair .

Eric - I'll try .

George - I would gladly participate in growing a long beard. And my wife would gladly participate in shaving that long beard while I sleep. I'm afraid that this will keep me my beard from approaching amazing. I'll have to bow in defeat to Doug, Dan, and Jake .

Zach - Yes. Beards show the manhood. Too long of beards show age. To weather the trip against rain, flies, ticks, food, flames and whatever else may meet the beard deserves recognition. The first time a beardsman wins they shall receive a razor (to make sure they have one). From that winning on, they shall receive a He-Man beard pin to badge their beard and show all that their beard is worthy of recognition .

Alan - The only fair method is to start clean shaven and then measure the longest beard at the end of the trip. It gives equal footing to people who may have careers that discourage facial hair .

Garth "The real ginger" - I was going to answer and say something lame like, " my job won't let me do that". But that is simply not he-man type jargon. So I will simply say that anyone's beard that is long enough to be braided should enter a tug of war. They are to be tied together facing each other ( duh!) and placed into the back of two canoes paddling in opposite directions as in the normal tug of war. They can pick their paddle buddy that sits in front and if they so choose they may paddle backwards as well. The added enjoyment would be the excruciating pain and possibly being pulled out shortly followed by the winner. It's a win win baby! And no, I will not participate in growing a sissy braided beard .

Boyd - First we need to nail down a starting date to grow the beards, a week before the He-Man Trip should be plenty of time for any real He-Men. Then we need the right shaving technique, a buck knife. Finally, the judging needs to represent He-Men canoe trip. Preliminary judging starts with most food captured in the beard and most insects living in the beard. Two winners advance to the final judging, where beards are tied together for a beard tug-of-war to determine the grand champion .

Jesse - On the 8th day, the lord bestowed upon man the gift of the beard and he saw that it was good. The presence of any beard is to be respected and honored. If a man has the fortune of a bearded face but shaves it close to the skin he is to be shamed by his fellow man. It is not to be questioned that the glorious gift of a majestic beard is to be honored but should it be boasted? A man should hold his beard with humility, not pride, he shall take the gifts provided to him by the lord and honor it. A man of plenty shall not ridicule or boast to a hairless misfit. Instead, he shall give thanks for his gift expressing honor for the greatness he has received .

Matt - All participants must present themselves as a beard contestant for the He Man. All who cannot grow a beard shall be punished in some way decided by the victor of the contest .

2016 Answers