He-Man 2013 Answers


1)For the first time ever, last year the younger half of the participants brought much more beer than the older half. What do you think is the major cause of the monumental shift?

Doug "The He-Man Prodigy" Irwin - Protein. It's an essential part to the recovery process. If George didn't eat like a rabbit he may have been able to recover faster and could have made it on the trip. Although, if he was just a real man in the first place, he would have just gutted it out and came on the trip anyway. .

Ron (The Old STUD He-Man) Roloff - It's a fact of nature, carnivores rule over vegetarians. Meat eaters can stand pain, discomfort in the knowledge that if they let it get them down they don't eat. While grass eaters just roll over and grab a mouth full. Meat eaters rule! .

Dave - Now most people would erroneously the issue is that George is a vegetarian. The real cause is that George has a lack of facial hair. Men with facial hair are more manly and heal more quickly .

garth langhammer - I didn't want to bring this up, but I too was still recovering from a serious injury. The subject matter of which cannot be discussed here and now. The blue suits Todd and Garth wore do however have something to do with it. All I can say is, George better get real injury specific in the future. I will be happy to discuss my injury in detail, if it bumps me up the chore duty roster. .

Todd Byrne - This is a question of ageism vs. vegetarism. I think diet might weaken George's immune system so that he is more susceptible to injuries.... All you have to do is look at the true grandparents of the he-man event - Ron and Dave - they eat meat and haven't missed because of injury. Does more need to be said?

"The Kyle" - deficiency has made his testosterone levels lower, resulting in breasts, sporatic crying and an undieing urge to shop. He obviously thought JC Penny's sales were much more important than a little paddling. .

Jacob Malewicki - Ron and Dave are clearly demonstrating the spirit of the He-Man by being cement pillars that can support and handle a few dents. George is just one of those decorative soft wood sticks that may look nice, but gets used as a scratching post by the cat. And nobody likes cats .

Eric Frank - Sorry, I don't know George so can't comment. .

Mr. Kenny Becker - Well as I've said for years, my food has a chance! :p While my waist has exploded, my body has held up well, George on the other hand.......not so much. Hahahahahaha! It's scientifically proven, the will to live or die is directly correlated to how hard you have to either run from or run after your food. That's why the genus of the species georgeous Sybaris Flatlanders caterpillarus has onlya the sole remaining example of his kind. Extinction imminent. .

Dan Irwin- Well first off their all getting old that says it all right there. but the fact that george backed out... dispicable... but i guess its a bit more believable being a vegetarian and all... takes longer for him to recover since he eats birdseed instead of meat! .

Ian - Using some deductive reasoning the answer to this question is quite simple. As we all know Dave is an android, and his 'injury' is just a ploy to trick the rest of the world into thinking otherwise. Ron, after acquiring a life threating laceration in 2011 and refusing to join the group swim, had to return and gain back lost man points. George, George, George, after failing in his duties the two prior years decided he needed a respite from the ridicule he had and would receive. He, therefore, used this alleged serious injure as an excuse not to attend. .

Jesse - Does this really need an explanation? Cough Cough vegetarian .

Brady - Well, you see, eating meat has its advantages. For one, we meat eaters are stronger and have a better taste for food. Second, while we do occasionally get injuries, we are still strong enough to go on the he-man. Kind of like a T-Rex, strong, feared, high on the food chain, doesn't let an injury stop it. Where on the other hand, you could compare the vegetarian to an Ornithopod, small, weak, low on the food chain, and devastated by one small injury. The he-man is for T-Rexes, not the Ornithopods. .

Alan - Isn't it obvious that without a carnivorous diet, a He-Man is slower to heal? Or perhaps George didn't want to listen to Ron and Dave's complaining of how sore they are. You decide. .

George - I decided to drop out because I knew that I'd be holding back and could possibly be forced to drop out and need a ride back if my tendon acted up again. I didn't want to wimp out and not carry my weight. Some people don't worry about this (see question 3 about giving up in the tug of war). .

Duck - I am told that George doesn't eat meat so I think improper diet has contributed to slow recovery from said serious injuries. .

Isaac the answer I believe is in the introduction above this is a fun (men only) trip? so obviously George did not think it was going to be fun. .

Joe - No, I cannot. Simplicity itself! .

Boyd - WIMP!!!! (wait, who am I to talk...:-)

Zach - Sorry, I cannot explain George


2) We where blessed with having Todd and Garth return in 2012. As usual they brought some costumes to wear. They decided to wear blueman suits. Seeing old guys in skin tight body suits was a little too much for some of us. Should the He-Man have any costume restrictions?

Doug "The He-Man Prodigy" Irwin - I don't think we should place restrictions on all He-men. How about we clarify some 'class' of He-men and then determine restrictions. The young studs of the group should have the least amount of restriction. These young lads have nothing to be ashamed about, as long as there?s at least as much as a loin cloth, anything else is ok. On the other hand, those old guys ... I shudder at the thought of them in a loin cloth. Olds guys are required to cover up all unsightly areas of the body. These areas include, but are not limited to: the groin region and back side down to the knees, hairy backs, beer bellies, man boobs, and in some cases old-man feet. If an old man is exposing any area of his body that makes the young guys contemplate living life after 30, that area must be covered up immediately .

Ron (The Old STUD He-Man) Roloff - Let's see, from body hugging suits, black painted skin, that did not come off, a skirt (both grass and kilt) and white veils. I would say NO .

Dave - The blue man suits definitely should of been restricted. Especially for the older guys, wearing skin tight suits is just a very bad idea. All future costumes have to be approved the the Irwin brothers .

garth langhammer - My first answer is no. Let me explain. I obviously was not present during this atrocity. While I agree that it might have been hard on the eyes and a bit over the top, I strongly suggest that the group as a whole think about what is most important in life. After all, we are all here to bring meaning to our existence and leave lasting memories, no matter how horrific in nature. I do however want to clarify one thing. The 'costumes' they wore were not merely for your entertainment. Nay. The use of such was a blatant cry for attention and empathy. They are clinically insane and should be treated as such. Give plenty of room during the lake race. .

Todd Byrne - History lessons are in order... Costume were initiated by Boyd.... Todd & Garth are continuing the tradition. Dave needs to be more inclusive and progressive with his questions. A true He-Man would be able to do this event in only a loin cloth, but Todd & Garth are willing to bring humor and levity to this very serious event. Costumes should be required of all. .

"The Kyle" - No bikinis. Period .

Jacob Malewicki - Absolutely not. The Great Mel Brooks once said in song "We're men in tights, we may look like sissies, but watch what you say or we'll put out your lights" You really need to be manly to wear a leotard or a skin tight suit. Even though Todd and Garth left little to the imagination, at least they left some. .

Eric Frank - I don't think there should be any restrictions as the costumes bring much humor. Garth was just missing a white wig and beard. He would make a good Papa Smurf! .

Mr. Kenny Becker - Hell no! After seeing that I realized no I do not look so bad. Besides the Younger he-men need to see what they got to look forward to in their older years, you know when their senior citizens like Todd n Garth. Oops I meant Todd and girth, Garth dang it not girth. .

Dan Irwin- No Way! i mean i had no desire to see garths wookie like back hair but thats what makes the heman all the more fun. all the suprises and being around some crazy dudes .

Ian - Costume restrictions? I think not. For many of us married He-men, this trip is a chance to get away. A time when we can wear what we want without being told how bad we look. Costume restrictions would take away from the experience. .

Jesse - no .

Brady - Old guys in skin tight suits is not a pretty site. Yes the costumes are fun and interesting at times, but let's shy away from the things that make us think of Todd and Garth in those blue-man suits. What we should do is think: how would Todd and Garth look in this costume? If you are fine with that site then it is a good costume. .

Alan - If the "queezy" ones can't handle seeing their beer bellies, perhaps the rest of us need to drink more beer. .

George - Old fat men shouldn't wear outfits like that. From the pictures, it looks like something you'd see in a social rights march in San Francisco. Definitely not He-Man approved. I think that all costumes should be socially acceptable from now on .

Duck - Yes because I think that people who have less than ideal body types could be intimidated by the impressive physiques of the older gentlemen. .

Isaac Even if you like to where stretchy pants for fun it?s not something that should be done in public or with other guys out in the woods. .

Joe - I think so, maybe apply a theme like wilderness or something. That will let people get creative as well as allow people to still do wacky things .

Boyd - No restrictions - Star Wars most definitely approved!!! .

Zach - Yes, no nakedness!!!! .

3) On the canoe tug of war in 2012 the big battle was between Ron/Ian and Dan/Brady. It was one of those very long fought battles. Ron/Ian were a few feet from winning, but Dan/Brady slowly wore them down. It got to a point that Ron quit paddling. Ron has not won the tug of war in the last three years. Do you think this is the end of Ron's dominance in the tug of war, and what caused it?

Doug "The He-Man Prodigy" Irwin - Before we make fun of how old Ron is, I'd like to point out that maybe Ron is simply letting other people know what it's like to win. I think he was getting bored of winning year after year with barely any competition. Now, he's resorted to letting other people win, but he's still very much in control. Instead of just giving up every year, he makes the contest last incredibly long. Sometimes, just to see if he could still do it, he brings his team a few paddle strokes from victory before letting the other team take over. This last year he could have won, we all saw it, but right before a final push to victory he slowed down and let Dan get a feeling he's not accustom to .

Ron (The Old STUD He-Man) Roloff - It could be the fact that turning fifty and finding the body not responding as well as it used to. It could be the fact that these young whippersnappers are athletes right out of High School. But I see it just a matter of time until they turn 21 and find that bottle of spirit like Doug and I will prevail again. .

Dave - The issue was not Ron, it's his partners. Ian has just really gotten out of shape. Ian won the tug of war in 2010, so he should of paddle a little bit to help Ron. Note that the last time Ron won was when we all canoed solo. So before you say Ron is over the hill, take the solo tug of war challenge against Ron .

garth langhammer - Ron's previously mentioned injury would be the obvious answer. But we need to look for the real weak link. It is no wonder that Ron has not won the coveted tug of war. I have never been teamed up with him. No offense to Ian or the other wimps. I think it is high time to establish a new dynasty and I am ready to share the glory. .

Todd Byrne - One thing none of us can avoid is getting old... At least that is the preference. But with that being said, I have seen Ron paddle in person, and I for one will never bet against him even if he needs a walker to get to the edge of his canoe. .

"The Kyle" - Ron's muscles are just rapidly eroding; it comes with advanced age, after all. I feel though, we are forgetting the real highlight of the tug of war, and that is the utter dominance, and sheer destruction of any opponents that Dave and Kyle encountered. .

Jacob Malewicki - Sadly it is. His doctor said his cholesterol is high so he has stopped doing montages of eating raw eggs for breakfast, lunch and dinner, punching frozen slabs of cow, lifting chains above his head and running up stairs in grey sweats with his hands in the air humming to himself. .

Eric Frank - Well you know Ron's getting older and therefore less stronger. He probably wore out quick from taking up the slack from Ian. I don't think his dominance is over yet. .

Mr. Kenny Becker - I think the start of the decline was in 96', a fit and lean rookie along with the equally mighty Boyd dethroned the former champion. Alas the mighty Casey struck out.... .

Dan Irwin- Oh yeah ron's reign of terror has come to a beautiful end!! Thanks to your true liberators (Dan and Brady). Now that ron's tyrannical reign has come to an end, a new era of peace and victory for others has come into play... Let the games begin! .

Ian - Although I was very pleased to, I mean, that his winning streak ended. His recent failure however was rather disappointing and I cannot say I see any hope for him in sight. .

Jesse - I'm afraid Ron suffers from a very serious condition called senectute, which is Latin for OLD AGE! Old age causes atrophy of muscles. It seems that our old friend Ron has lost strength. This has been apparent in the last three years. Ron seems to no longer be the competitor he once was in the tug of war. I think this is truly the end of Ron's dominance. Don't feel bad Ron old age happens to everyone eventually. Instead be proud of your age for with age comes wisdom and you can guide us fellow He-Men with that wisdom. You are very wise my friend. To the rest of my fellow He-Men, we must be kind to Ron because it is not easy being old. Ways that we can be supportive of our friend may include; speaking up when talking to Ron, allowing Ron to complain about his aching back, knees and hips, and listing to his stories about the good old days. Also because Ron is now struggling with the tug of war so much I Suggest we add a competition that Ron can relate to more. Some ideas include bingo or knitting. .

Brady - Ron never had dominance. He had intimidation, but that changed once he got beat the first time. As a result of his intimidation factor going down, his strength is decreasing and now he is becoming a weakling. He has been getting quite a few injuries too. I know that he is one of the guys that has been going on this trip the longest but can he continue the he-man? Can he be man enough to still be considered a he-man? Or is this the end of Ron as we know it? .

Alan - Ron would like to think he was giving the rest of us a chance to win as he has so many trophies already. Or perhaps he has really lost the "heart of a He-Man" to pursue endless suffering beyond reasonable expectation. Or perhaps he didn't bring as much grog in the past three years. .

George - Old age is finally taking it's toll on Ron. Next will be a cane for the portages, trolling motor for the lake crossings, and a nurse to empty the bed pan in his tent. He better find a good partner who can paddle for two if he ever hopes to win the tug-of-war again .

Duck - The reign of every dominant entity when a younger stronger soon to be alpha takes over. When the old lion is at the end of its reign, it will lay down and let the young cub devour him and become the new pride leader. Thats all I am saying... .

Isaac Yes it sounds like he doesn't want to win any more. .

Joe - Dan HAS THE POWER! Besides, Ron is old, and old is, well old. Ron should practice more .

Boyd - Old age: Hearing - he didn't hear the start, dementia - he thought the race was done, and over active bladder - since the race was so long, he needed to take a pee!!! .

Zach - yes, he is getting too old .

4) Doug has raised the bar with He-Man of the Year. The award use to be a cheap paddle that we would pick up from Fleet Farm and engrave the award text. Doug now makes a beautiful, hand crafted paddle. What extraordinary thing will you do on 2013 He-Man to become He-Man of the year and earn that paddle?

Doug "The He-Man Prodigy" Irwin - I'll turn the organic materials from a tree into a device to propel myself in a water vessel using energy I have gathered from food, all while looking great ... oh wait, check and check. Good luck out doing that .

Ron (The Old STUD He-Man) Roloff - Vote for myself .

Dave - Ah Dougy Pooh. Your great manly beardliness is a site to behold. If you engrave my name in advance on the He-Man of the Year paddle, then Ron and Dave would have to give it to me. I know you can be bribed with enough cases of beer. So just let me know your price .

garth langhammer - To put it simply. I will make Doug work and slave harder than he did making the Paddle. Let me be more blunt. Doug, thank you for the paddle. .

Todd Byrne - I think Doug should be recruited to replace paddles of He-Man past reciepients so they can experience the luxuries of a modern paddle. Any new Rookies who are recognized as he-man of the year should be provided a straight paddle until all past he-men are able to be current. .

"The Kyle" - I'll bring the ice .

Jacob Malewicki - First off, Doug may have raised the bar, but its only a matter of time before he drops it and I'll get to say "Oh how the mighty have fallen" or "DOWN GOES FRAISER!!" I haven't decided yet. As for this extraordinary thing, I'm sure all you hens will write up stories of glory and manhood that you won't even be able to achieve in your dreams, but a man is only as good as the beard that wears him. Women talk, Men Beard .

Eric Frank - I don't know until the time comes, but it will be extraordinary! .

Mr. Kenny Becker - :'( I'm afraid to win, those He Man of the Year paddles do not hold up under my awesomeness it would seem, the should be a shame for me to destroy when was fine works of art that our finest craftsmen wrought. It would be a shame to ruin Doug's artistry. .

Dan Irwin- Hmm... no comment dont want to give my tactics away .

Ian - I and my partner, whoever they may be, will attempt to make it over a beaver dam without stopping. .

Jesse - Why paddle backwards the whole way of course .

Brady - This year I will join Dave in his crazy sleeping without a tent ritual thing. .

Alan - How about completing the He-Man for the 20th time? Only a select few of the long list of past He-Man can say they have done that. .

George - Just showing up and being myself should do the trick .

Duck - All things I do are extraordinary. Next question. .

Isaac I will complete the trip using a spoon as my paddle. .

Joe - Catch a fish without a pole! .

Boyd - Swamp Dave, Sleep in, swamp Dave, not help out, Swamp Dave, leave garbage everywhere, swamp Dave, complain endlessly, and yes SWAMP DAVE, especially during lake race!!! .

Zach - Participate .

2012 Answers