He-Man 2009 Answers

Note that Kenny registered twice

1) Ron made character names for the different camp duties from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe in 2008. Most memoriable was Dan's assignment as the White Witch (garbage detail). Do you have suggestion of character names that should be used for camp duties? Are there any names in particular that you would like to assign to a certain duty or person?

The Douglas Irwin - Well, we could do a Snow White theme this year.

I agree with everyone when you suggest that I should be prince charming, that's a know-brainer.
But the garbage guy can be stinky
the cook can be wifey (I didn't say that, in case any women ask)
wood gatherers can be sticky, woody, splintery and so on.
Of course we can make things humorous and no matter what job Kenny gets call him lushy or stumbly.
And we can just call Dave and Ron old. haha

Dave - Forget camp duties. With the US financial crisis going on, we need to each be assigned to give specific financial presentations. Here are the presenters and titles:

Ron - "How to get the most household supplies from your employer"
Doug - "How I lived on 2 dollars a week as a college student"
Kenny - "Stretching your grocery dollar with road kill"
Art - "The easy life of living off Government waste in the military."
Chris - "How to shoot and prepare your neighbors cat"
Alan - "Profiting from your oversea business trips by starving yourself but claiming full per-diem."
Dave - "What I learned by investing in Citigroup"
Bob - "10 easy steps to making money in the circus with your unicycle."
Boyd - "My personal stimulus package of spending on health care."
George - "Being a vegetarian does save you money."
Dan - "The second life as a off duty pilot -- making money clamming."
Todd - "How to survive in the corporate world by brown nosing"
Garth - "The millions I have made off of bat dung."
Justin - "How to get churches to pay you money for software."

Garth - Snow white and the 7 dwarfs possibly.

Sleepy would be 'tarp girl' or the rookie or rookies (since they like to sleep late).
Sneezy of course would be the 'fire tender', or kenny (he actually inhales fire).
Dopey would be the 'wood gatherer', since I know from previous experience that getting wood is not as easy as it sounds (and I'm not talking in innuendos).
Grumpy speaks for itself, 'dishwasher'.
Doc would be scribe of course, lately Todd, and I do mean late when it comes to updating.
Bashful should be reserved for that job absolutely nobody wants like 'water carrier' if there is such a thing.
Happy would be 'trash person', I would like Doug to do this since he does everything with a smile(if he comes).
The prince would be reserved for a new job entitled 'food and beer taster' which of course I would gladly endure(somebody has to take one for the team).
Snow white could be left for whatever job Ron sees fit(since I know Ron usually determines the grueling competition that determines our outcome).
That leaves the Witch with the apple, since the Witch appears to be a vegetarian I think George should decide which job comes next.

George - I believe that we could all be covered by cartoon characters.

Al could be spiderman with his remarkable ability to scale tall trees to hang the tarp.
Todd could be "Whimpy" from Popeye cartoons for continually choosing to freeload by being the scribe instead of doing real work.
Kenny could be "pig pen" from Peanuts.
And Ron's bossiness could only earn him the name of "Lucy" from Peanuts.

Todd -

Cook - Master provider of food;
Tarps - Builder for dry space;
Fire - Life provider;
Wood - Apprentice to Life provider;
Dishes - The Cleaner (protector against disease and Flu);
Garbage - Slum Lord Manager;
then most important: Scribe - Master who writes history.
Jokester (he who can't shut-up)- Kenny;
Perfectionist (canoe cleaner)- Al;
Patriarch (he who is just plain old)-Dave, Ron... maybe Boyd;
Herby (short for Herbivore - he who does not eat flesh) - George;
Grunt - any rookie that takes the last assignment.

Al - Perhaps most fitting of a He-Man trip would be a medieval times theme. We could have:

Royal Morning Feast Cook
Royal Evening Feast Cook
Royal Historian
Peasent Wood Gatherer
Knight Lumber Slayer
Apprentice Peasent Wood Gatherer
Peasant Tree Rat Tarp Stringer
Peasant Rope Handler Tarp Boy
Peasant Garbage Boy

Ron - I shouldn't answer being the creator of said list BUT!

a fine job of Garbage Hound Dan
Squirrly Al can climb a tree to set a tarp like no other
Termite Doug can go through a log as if it was paper
Raccoon Dave is a fine preparer of food
Snakey Kinney is always keeping the fire to warm himself

Kenny -

THE BECKER(wood gathering)
The RON-BO(court jester)
Holy Man(he who is tasked with our sanity)
THE steward (one in charge of all that is drunk)
Porters(rookies must bear the sacred Founders upon their shoulders at portages)

Dan - Lucy; Rookie/Greenhorn who does everything that the pros of the Heman say to do.

Kenny II - a few choice names have come to mind at times, Head of the Botulin Dept.(Boyd's cooking)but we won't name names, yet will we Boyd, nope not I! court jester that's me I guess you know who I am THE worlds hottest Lutheran (Kenny Becker, no relation whatsoever to the lesser Becker, yeah Dave I'm talking about you!!!!!)

2) On the 2008 trip, Doug Irwin entertained us immensily with being able to split a 4 foot log end to end. It is rumored that it was actually a trick that Chris learned with his immense Boy Scouts experience. How do you think this trick was performed?

Dave - Chris knew that a log soaked with alcohol and urine splits easier. The wood fibers separate because of a complex chemical reaction. When we first arrived at the campsite, Chris noticed that Kenny took a long leak on the log. By the way he failed to tell Doug the secret, so did you notice Doug touching his face and hair after touching the log and Chris having a big smile on his face?

Todd - First off we know that it wasn't talent, Doug is too cocky to get by just on talent. Regardless if he won the Heman of the year - there has to have been a trick or technique that was passed down thru the secret Boy Scout handshake. So with that stated, lets just accept the fact that he provided good entertainment while we all watched and enjoyed the chopped wood (with us not needing to do this).

Dan - There was no trick it was just Doug being Doug. Either that or it was Doug's Giant ego that did it for him.

Garth - Much like the famous phone book tearing trick, Chris purposefully stacked the cordwood in such a fashion that even the weakest competitor was assured that the 4 foot or even 6 foot log would split clean and effortlessly.

The Douglas Irwin - Well, I've seen that Doug guy do some pretty amazing things and I would believe that he's capable of that kind of feat without any tricks. However, I think the cut was probably made easier because the log got scared of Doug as soon as it saw him pick up the splitting maul. I mean if I was a log and saw that, I'd rather split myself. Wouldn't you?

George - I believe that Doug searched for the perfect splitting long months before He-man and planted it at the campsite. Then amazed us with his log splitting ability. I'll only believe that he can split logs that well if he splits all the wood at every campsite this year.

Ron - I did see him earlier with that log (what he was doing I will not say) but being such a tech person he is I'm sure he used his pocket laser to cut the log half through

Al - He probably took the log behind a tree and whittled the long edge on both sides so the log was almost ready to fall apart if he was lucky enough to hit the end.

Kenny -Simple really:Trick log

Kenny II - Don't worry CSI had this one.

3) A trend that has been happening increasingly is people losing/forgetting their gear. Examples in 2008 include: Alan's paddle, Todd's life jacket, Kenny's Mountain Dew chilling in Trout River, Doug's shirt, and someone's underwear under a rock. What should we do so this does not happen so much?

Garth - I can't even fathom the 'underwear under a rock' thing. What the heck is kenny doing with mountain dew anyway. Everyone knows Kenny only chills his Lienies. No. Seriously, I think it is clear that the exertion and stress of the trip is taking a toll on all of us and that it is time to admit that we are all (and I do mean all of us ,Doug) over the hill. We should therefore join the last canoe team at every designated rest stop in singing a theraputic verse of "oh my darlin clementine". If this does not work I say do like Kenny does and bring less stuff. Let us not forget Ron that even after the rigors of the trip were over last year, I unfortunately forgot my emergency trauma bag I needed for work at your cabin which you had to open up for me weeks later to retrieve. I am no exception to the 'forgettfulltripitis' that afflicts us all.

Todd - The question is irrelevant, as the current Heman stock is aging. But maybe by recruiting younger rookies, we can forestall the alzheimers that is beginning to creep in on us all and have them help us old farts remember stuff better.

Al - After the group picture, we need to walk everyone past a large pile of all unclaimed gear. It makes it tough when gear from each canoe gets put in several vehichles and each vehicle drops the gear in a different location. I guess it depends on how much you really want someone elses gear. But remember the good book said "Thou shall not covet they neighbors gear".

Dan - You take all the stuff that you find and make it smell really foul than put in their tents.

Ron - From now on anything left behind will become property of the Roloff Becker tour agency. finder keepers losers just losers. Dave add that to the waiver everyone signs

Kenny - Just think fig leaves

The Douglas Irwin - Well, we should find out who the slowest paddlers are. I'll be in charge of this task because we all know it won't be me. Then we should make them strip completely down and be the groups tail the entire weekend with an empty canoe. This way if anyone drops anything they will see it and will be able to pick it up and there's no way that they will be able to lose anything because they won't have anything to lose. Also, by being in the back of the pack, none of us in the front will be able to see them. Fail proof.

Dave - If all we had was the clothes on our back, a canoe, a single paddle, and had to live off the land - I don't think we would forget anything.

George - I'm not too sure how somebody's underwear got lost under a rock, but I don't want to find out

Kenny II - Drink more like the He-men of old like back in the nineties Ahh I remember The spring of 96' like yesterday Boyd and I came closer than any body ever did to a he-man first a triple crown.

4) The 2008 trip was the first time we had significant hail on the canoe trip (marble sized hail). In the event that this should occur again, what action plan should we have in the case of severe weather?

Garth - Well, I for one am glad you brought this up. I noticed that the chain of command totally broke down. Dan and Art were doing the military thing the easy way by staying in their canoe under the culvert. Others were all by themselves braving the assault alone in the woods all spread out. I was among the many disillusioned whom took refuge under a huge tarp wondering if we were doing the right thing by laughing at the others not so fortunate. My emergency training has taught me that any action plan, no matter how absurd, is better than no plan at all. I therefore recommend that in the future all women and children are evacuated from the canoes first, that if debarcation is not possible while enroute, that the most qualified emergency personnel are protected at all costs and are quickly ferried to the next port of call so they may assist those less fortunate.

George -We should all get the largest tarp and circle around my beer cooler, creating a funnel to fill the cooler with ice.

Todd - Newly required standard He-man equipment should require hard hats and shields to protect oneself from the elements - or any nearby Canoe terrorists. Emergency responders should train all particpants on proper usage of so said protective gear - by pelting rookies to demonstrate proper techniques.

Al - We should all have buckets and run around trying to catch the hail. Whomever gets the most hail in their bucket wins a prize. If a second stage of the contest is needed, everyone should find a stick in the woods and see how far they can bat their hail (limited to what they collected of course). Winner has the farthest shot.

The Douglas Irwin - Well .... I believe that the only way that we will be completely out of harms way is, and I only say this because I care so much about the well being of each and every one of you, to stay under a roof the entire weekend. And unless you guys have come up with a way to have a portable shelter, which I'm working on believe me, then the only solution is to stay at the cabin. Another plus to this plan the fact that there are beds and heat. However, if you feel the need to do some canoeing, I could whip up a stationary canoe paddling pool. Kinda like a tread mill for the canoer.

Ron - Grab your LIENE/GROG and toast the maker for a fine show

Dave - Wimps go in the culvert or under a tarp to hide. True He-Man go to the middle of the river or lake, stand in their canoe, and sing. If their canoe does tip and sink, they would go down with it.

Kenny - As did danger Dan I favor sitting under cover of culvert

Dan - I believe we should just stay in the cabin.(because i want everyone to survive the Heman)

Kenny II - What hail? Just take it like men or wear a big honking hat!

2008 Answers